merp. really satisfied with this chapter. x
We finish up, laughing almost as if nothing’s wrong. It’s like we’re best friends again with nothing to hide. Harry and I decide to explore the city a little bit; finding shops and bakeries before it gets to be late afternoon and it’s time to head back.
The hotel is crowded with fans when we get there so we’re delayed from going in for about forty-five minutes; almost making us late for our dinner reservation at six. By the time every single one of us is ready, we all have to run to the waiting cars downstairs.
“Feeling better?” I ask Raegan as we climb into the back of a Suburban.
“Yes, I am. Thank you.” She pecks my cheek and I fight to keep from saying anything. It’s neither the time nor the place.
Dinner goes smoothly; the delicious food distracting all of us from our problems. Although nothing is said, I can’t help but to watch Harry and the way his eyes keep darting to Raegan, making my blood boil.
At half ten we get into the cars to travel to a club; the whole upstairs roped off for us and our entourage. It’s nice, extremely nice as the lights dim; the music starting to play loudly; the bass pounding through our systems.
It’s not ten minutes before the alcohol starts getting poured even though we’re underage. No one seems to care as we drink it down; shots and champagne coming at me from every direction. Around tequila number five, I begin to feel fuzzy; almost giddy even with the anger that’s clouding my brain.
I survey the club from above, catching Niall dancing with some brunette, his hands locked around her hips, Liam’s off with Danielle in a quieter section, and Harry’s seated on the couch. I look around for Raegan and spot her dancing goofily with Zayn on the floor below. Even though it’s completely innocent and they’re not even touching; it sets me off.
I grab the bottle of heavy alcohol from the table and take a harsh swig; enjoying the burn that courses down my throat.
“Take it easy, Lou,” Harry chides, looking up from his phone.
“What gives you any right to tell me what to do?”
“What?” He asks, leaning forward, like he’s in defense.
“You’re a fucking hypocrite,” I laugh, taking another sip of the drink. “You act like everything’s okay, but you fucked my girlfriend! I set the bottle back down, charging toward Harry, not even thinking about my actions.
“I know what you fucking did, Harry!” Louis spits, grabbing my shirt collar and pushing me against the wall.
“What are you talking about?” I push against his shoulders, already knowing exactly what I’ve done.
“You fucked Raegan!” He says again, his voice turning to a growl and I feel my blood run cold. I’m silent for a moment, trying to decide if I’m going to even try and lie. “So you did, then. How many times?” He sneers, standing dangerously close.
I look away from him, trying to avoid the world. “How many times?” He yells again, pushing me back against the wall for a second time. My head hits the plaster and I shove him away.
“That night when Rae got here and went missing, yeah, that night. And the next morning, too.”
He rears his hand back like he’s going to strike but yanks his fist back. “You fucking prick! You stole her, Harry!”
“I couldn’t steal anything that wasn’t yours to begin with,” I spit back at him, watching his face turn from a scowl to stone clear; uncountable emotions running through his blue eyes. I know it was a low blow, but it’s the truth.
“She’s my girl, Harry!”
“She’s not, Lou.” I reply. The room goes black as a sharp pain strikes across my jaw. I fall against the wall before Lou hits again, hitting just below my eye. I throw my hands up to block before the adrenaline kicks in.
I hit him back with as much force as I can muster, my fists hitting his face with every knock. I know I’m a good fighter but Louis returns the punches with just as much confidence, both of us ruining each other. I can feel the blood dripping from my nose and lips, my head throbbing. We’re tearing each other part and I wonder if we’ve managed to break anything.
Louis is still hitting, but I can’t bring myself to fight anymore. I’m tired and my knuckles are bruised and bloodied by the time I’ve finished, regretting what I’ve just done. This situation is my entire fault; I’ve caused this whole mess. Raegan didn’t do anything; neither did Louis, and now I’ve hurt my two best friends.
Louis doesn’t stop once he realizes I’ve stopped struggling against him. He continues to hit me; but I’ve stopped fighting, I can’t hit him anymore. I close my eyes, almost going numb from the pain.
My eyes snap open as I hear the roar of Paul and the weight of Louis being lifted off of my chest. “What the hell is going on?” He shouts, holding onto a mad and drink twenty year old.
“Ask her!” Louis sneers, looking toward Raegan, who’s standing beside Danielle, clutching her hand.
Paul drops Lou once he quits struggling, his face red with anger. “It’s back to the hotel with the three of you. I want Louis in the front seat, Raegan in the back, and Harry in the very back. Let’s go. Now.”
The ride back to the hotel is terrible and it’s a constant struggle not to cry. Everyone is deathly silent and I wish someone would have left the radio on before we left. My phone vibrates in my hands and I look down.
Danielle: What the hell happened? Xx
My reply is quick. You’ll see soon. Please don’t think less of me. I’ll explain everything later. X”
Paul escorts Harry to his room while Louis and I are left to our devices; both of us tense and miserable as we climb the stairs to our room, avoiding the second elevator.
We’re barely through the door before Louis starts; he’s always had a massive temper when pushed. “Who do you think you are, Raegan?”
I sit down on the fluffy white mattress; my legs unable to hold my weight any longer. Louis paces back and forth at the foot of the bed; his face bloody and bruised from his obvious fight. “Why?” He asks, running his fingers through his hair. “Don’t you get what you’ve destroyed? A friendship? A band? Our relationship?”
“Of course I get it, Louis! And don’t you get how hard I tried to stay away?”
“It doesn’t seem that hard when you’ve fucked him twice.”
“You don’t know anything!” I challenge. “I tried so hard to avoid him! But it’s something you can’t help.”
“What is it, then?” He roars, turning on me, his face matted with anger.
“I always wanted him! And that’s not to say I didn’t want you, too! But he’s always had a hold on me that just wouldn’t go away…” The tears begin to leak from my eyes, staining my cheeks, my voice cracking on every syllable. “I thought it would lessen the longer I stayed with you and then the night before you guys left for America, things changed. We kissed and Harry wouldn’t let it go.
“And I’m not trying to blame him for everything because it’s just as much my fault. I kissed him first, to be honest with you. But then I tried to let everything go and things spiraled out of control and I couldn’t stop it. You don’t even know how much I wanted things to be easy with you. I just wanted to be happy.”
A few moments of tense silence pass and I begin to cry harder. “Say something, anything, please.”
“So what Harry said was right,” he mumbles, no longer yelling. “You never really wanted me.”
“I did! And I love you, I do! Just not like I should. It’s not fair to either of us; especially you. You deserve so much better; someone who will treat you right and make you happy and not lie to you. You deserve the world, Louis and I wish I could give that to you.”
“Don’t say things you don’t mean, Raegan.”
“I meant every word I just said. I want you to know how sorry I am and how I wish I could go back and fix everything.”
“But you can’t,” he replies, leaning against the dark wooden dresser.
“I can’t,” I mumble, wiping my face on the back of my sleeve.
“I don’t forgive you.”
I look up, locking my eyes on his, seeing flashes of different emotions running through the bright blue orbs: anger, rage, sadness, grief. “Alright. I don’t expect you to right now.”
“Just…just get your stuff together and leave, okay? I don’t care where you go; you’ve got friends here and money. I just can’t be around you.”
“That’s fair.” I whisper, getting up off the bed. I go to my suitcase; grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before throwing all of my other clothes into the bag. It’s only a few minutes before I’ve got everything tucked away; everything I’ve brought stuffed into the brown leather case.
I take Louis’ articles of clothing out of the bed, gently folding them and placing them on the dresser. Taking one last sweep around the room, I make sure I’ve got everything; not wanting to leave anything behind. Just as I’m about to leave, I catch sight of my wrist; the white gold bangle Louis brought me for my birthday catching the light. It casts sparkles onto the wall; creating beautiful patterns.
It’s a beautiful piece of jewelry, but it now feels as if it weights a million pounds. I take it from my arm and lay it next to his clothes, taking one last deep breath. Louis is sitting on the balcony, his feet on the railing, his arms crossed across his chest. I want to tell him goodbye because I feel it’s necessary, but I know it’s useless; he doesn’t want to see me. Instead, I write a quick note on the standard hotel stationary.
“So sorry X Raegan”
The door slams shut heavy behind me, almost like it’s sealing my fate. It’s over; it’s done. It’s time to go back to London and face what you’ve done. I step onto the elevator, but I don’t press any buttons for a good five minutes.
Do I go down or up? Shouldn’t I just leave, haven’t I caused enough trouble already?
My blood pounds through my veins as I press 11, knowing exactly what I’m doing.